This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
