I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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