that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
