I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i would punch a child for taco bell
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just used a chaser for red wine.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I wear drunk well.
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