alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize