Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
