my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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