I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
