First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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