Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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