Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
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I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
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I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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