I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
