Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
