Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
