Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
