she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
