Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
