which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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