dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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