You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
