the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
