I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
