My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
