I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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