i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I think I won the penis lottery.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
