i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Randomize
