He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
