dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
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we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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