Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
