1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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