I think scott just propositioned me for sex
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
