I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
