I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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