8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
