thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
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I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
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Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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