you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
