Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
