Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
