I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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