Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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