apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
