Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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