i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
