Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
