people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
