I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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