I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
