Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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