its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
