he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
