here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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