She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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