why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
