Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
