I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
