he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
