I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
