those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he laminated a picture of his dick.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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