A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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