just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
