haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
