in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
