drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
