how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
