Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize