Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
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It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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