She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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