Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
