you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
