I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
im on a boat
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