She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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