Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
50% drunk capacity currently
I need to sanitize my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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