mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
