So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
