I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
