My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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